They say emotions are fleeting, but does that include happiness?

I feel like every time I let my guard down, decide that everything is starting to go well, it all falls apart.

It doesn't help that I'm stuck in this hell hole known as Fresno. I've done nothing but sleep since I arrived at 12 pm. I'm starting to get a nasty cold, and I have a horrible feeling that I actually am going to be here for the rest of the summer. I'm almost positive that if I did, I will literally go insane. I'd just be working and sitting around the house. The working part being good because I'd be able to save up and move back to Santa Barbara at the middle or end of August.

I feel like if I'm gone, for whatever reason, everyone is going to forget about me, and when I get back to Santa Barbara I'll be just as alone as I am here. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's how I truly feel.

But really, I feel so empty, so sloth-like. I don't really feel like doing much of anything.
I'm catatonic. I don't want to talk, eat, go anywhere, etc.

But I promised myself I wouldn't play the victim, and I'm not. I'm not blaming anyone for this, except for myself. But I just feel so discouraged and out of options.

I'm hoping to get a call from at least one of the places I applied to in Santa Barbara.

I just want everything to be okay. I just want to be happy.

I just want to stop feeling so fucking alone.